Disregard Everything I Say
Month
Before I start I need to make it perfectly clear that I am not talking about your average everyday bad trip but exclusively about Egodeath which is a state I have described in a very high level of detail right here.
If you do not understand what egodeath is before hand this article will make no sense to you.
Something that I have realized as I have begun to introduce more and more of the people that I encounter in life into psychedelics is that there is a very high percentage of people that completely struggle to let go and relax during states of psychedelic induced Egodeath.
This is something can often lead people into finding themselves becoming extremely confused, panicked and paranoid as the sheer overwhelming nature of experiencing the entire universe all at once overloads all of their senses and destroys their sense of self and short term memory in the process.
Having now watched multiple people freaking the fuck out and completely losing their minds I have begun to piece together the consistent thought processes, irrationalities and general attitude towards life that all of these people share not just during the trip itself but in everyday life as its a persons outlook on things that really affects how they are going to react to a state of complete egoloss and whether or not the experience will be so positively profound that the tripper will feel as if their entire life has been building up to this single moment or alternatively so overwhelming that the tripper becomes terrified and has to try with everything they have to maintain a firm grip on their sanity.
This is easy during low to moderate levels of tripping as although a person is much more distractable during a state like this their short term memory is still mostly intact to the point where keeping track of the environment around you isn’t difficult but once Egodeath hits it is a completely different story as your short term memory is obliterated by the sheer sensory overload and people suddenly find themselves unable to remember or keep track of anything from how they got here, what is happening around them and the meaning of even the most basic concepts such as what everyday objects are and how they work.
This creates for an extremely confusing state especially when people are going through Egodeath in social situations instead of by themselves in a darkened room as the complexities of conversation are extremely difficult to remember since you cant help but avoid forgetting what everybody is saying to you as they say it but although this is a major factor to a person freaking out during this state it is mostly something that creates for feelings of confusion rather than feelings of panic or paranoia.
As far as I can tell the extremely negative feelings that a certain class of people go through during this state stem entirely from the restacking process that is an intrinsic part of Egodeath. The restacking process is something that happens many many times during an Egodeath trip and is the sensation of suddenly regaining the memory of who you are that happens immediately after a person has had their sense of self destroyed by the sensory overload of experiencing the whole universe triggered by the runaway thought process of the experience of any concept.
This process lasts 3 - 4 seconds and can be timed pretty simply by staring at a stopwatch, going through Egodeath on the concept of a stopwatch and then only hitting stop as soon as you come back down and remember what it was you were doing again and it’s during the confusion of this restacking process that the mind seems to desperately clutch at straws trying to formulate what is happening around it as quickly as possible using whatever clues it can to the point where if a person lets a genuinely worrying thought slip into their head while this is happening they can be restacked into all kinds of fictional and paranoid scenarios that can be experienced as hallucinations in real time but are usually experienced as memories of the scenario having already happened previously with the belief that they are still happening.
These scenarios can be anything but do follow very common themes across people such as,
From personal experience and discussions with people who have been through these things it’s being a worrier that every single person I have ever seen freak out during states of complete Egodeath all have in common and it’s when these worried thoughts slip into the restacking process that all of these fictional and paranoid scenarios are generated.
To truly be able to let go during a state of Egodeath and experience in a positive light what this amazing thing has to offer you cannot have an irrational and negative outlook on life without finding yourself spiraling out of control and generally freaking out. I have seen people worry so much and be so certain that they are in some kind of danger even though they are perfectly safe, with close friends and indoors that they begin grasping at straws in search of something to freak out about even going as far as demanding that they be supplied with concrete scientific proof that they are not going to spontaneously set on fire in a desperate search to find something wrong with the situation.
If you need constant clarification and a complete understanding of what is happening around you at all times you will never be able to relax and let go during egodeath. It’s these sorts of unstable and negative people that should not be put through Egodeath without great caution as although I will forever advocate the amazing power that psychedelics have when it comes to allowing an individual to become who they truly are and reclaim their mind from the conditioning of culture an unprepared person should not be doing this. Being put though what I consider easily one of the most intense experiences a human being can go through can be extremely stressful for the unprepared.
This usually happens when people smoke weed during a moderate - strong trip without realizing how much a small amount of weed can intensify the experience.
It is not difficult to make sure that a person is mentally prepared for Egodeath they just need to fully understand the underlying mechanisms of it well enough that it becomes stored within their long term memory before they go through with the experience. It is impossible to explain to a person what is happening to them while they are going through Egodeath because they are completely incapable of holding onto a thought for more than 3 – 4 seconds due to the loss of short term memory but if they are aware of the ins and outs of it beforehand well enough for it to be stored into their long term memory they will be able to understand what is happening to them at all points during the trip even if they cant fully remember the specifics as the long term memory of a person during Egodeath stays fully intact. To do this I’d simply recommend that you do your best to read and pay attention to these two articles here and here so that you have an understanding from the start and can know what to expect.
If you find yourself in a situation where a person who you are tripping with begins to freak out because they are going through Egodeath there is only so much you can do, trying to convince them that everything is fine and that they have nothing to worry about is often futile as once you explain it to them they immediately forget it and begin to trail off again into a delusional scenario so trying to figure out the root of their irrational worry and then constantly telling them it is not the case before they can even say anything often helps. For example if you eventually manage to figure out that a person is having a bad trip because they think that they are going to die constantly interrupting everything they say with “it doesn’t matter you’re not dying you’re perfectly safe!” or something of the sort will keep them reassured but this has to be constantly repeated as they inevitably forget what you just said and the paranoid scenarios immediately begin to develop again as they trail off into an imagined scenario so writing a simple message in large easy to read writing on a piece of paper and holding it in front of their face can often solve the problem as they will continuously read it over and over again being constantly reassured. A simple message such as “you do not need to understand” or “you do not need to worry” will usually suffice but this depends entirely on the person and the situation so this is no guarantee and sometimes it’s better to simply sit them down and put them in front of a tv show that does not require a short term memory to pay attention to the plot such as Planet Earth but none of this is nearly as effective as a person having previously prepared for Egodeath by ensuring that they have got their shit together, have educated themselves on what it’s going to be like and have then proceeded to slowly work their way up towards Egodeath with each trip instead of just jumping right in.
Egodeath is one hell of a mindfuck to the average person but no matter how distressed I have seen somebody get during this state they have always come down a better person with a greater understanding of their own psyche and the alarming possibility that perhaps they didn’t know their mind quite as well as they thought they did.
This short article is going to be the first in a mini series of experiments that I’ve devised to test and categorize the true nature of DMT trips and psychedelic hallucinations in general.
I am completely certain that any of my findings apply to the hallucinations found during any high dose psychedelic trip not just this drug specifically but I am using DMT as it’s short duration makes it extremely practical for acting out multiple experiments in a short period of time.
These experiments will eventually involve interviewing and negotiating with entities but first of all I thought it would be more appropriate to establish how the underlying logic and rules of this universe work by testing whether or not the plot of a DMT trip is written out from the start and following an already written script that is predetermined or if it is something that generates as it goes creating for something that the tripper could abruptly change the course of of depending on the way that they choose to behave during the trip. Put simply this would be the same set of differences found between films and videogames as one has a predetermined outcome and the other is completely interactive.
The Experiment:
Testing this should be pretty simple, during every DMT breakthrough I have ever had I have been either standing or floating on the spot but consistently looking directly forward in a state of complete captivation and awe as the plot of the hallucinations unfold infront of me.
This doesn’t necessarily feel like I am stuck in a fixed position but feels more like I am in a state of complete astonishment and bewilderment and therefore simply have no reason to move. But I have definitely noticed that despite the infinite variety and endless possible ways in which a DMT trip could play out I have not once been freely walking around the hallucination and at best I am occasionally moving gracefully forward on what feels like some sort of track.
Determining whether or not this is a product of simply being extremely captivated or a product of DMT trips being predetermined should be simple and could be tested in multiple ways such as simply trying to look in any direction other than straight forward be it straight down at the floor or directly behind me. Another way to test this would be attempting to sprint in the opposite direction of the entities as soon as they form in front of me should also prove it either way and decide once and for all whether or not the DMT flash is following an unchanging script.
The Results:
Having finally gotten to the point where I can smoke dmt and no longer immediately give into complete astonishment this experiment was extremely straightforward and gave me a quick answer to my question.
My first attempt at moving on the other side during a dmt trip gave mixed results, trying to physically move from the spot during the hallucination was completely unsuccessful but I could to an extent look around in front of me. Looking straight down at the floor revealed that I don’t have a body in exactly the same style as when you look down at the floor in a first person shooter game but during this state no matter how much I tried it was impossible to move any of my limbs or body beyond being able to look around directly in front of me. In fact the more I tried the more the trip began to feel as if it was less a fully immersive parallel dimension and more a veil of hallucinations over my eyes as I could suddenly start to feel the chair beneath me again. Physically moving my head in the real world as a last ditch attempt to look in a direction other than straight forward did not translate over as I suspected it might and made the effect of being able to feel that you could not physically move in this universe even more pronounced as the chair beneath you suddenly becomes extremely distinct and obvious proving to me that the plot of a DMT trip is predetermined making it extremely difficult if not impossible to physically move from the spot that the plot of the trip has decided you are going to stand in.
However we did find one thing that extends your field of vision in leaps and bounds but still does not allow for moving from the spot. This may sound strange but it has to be mentioned, providing you have played enough first person shooters or videogames in general to have the control system down to a reflex which I’m sure many of you have if you hold something such as an Xbox 360 controller during a DMT trip you can control the trip in the same way that you would play a first person shooter without even thinking about it by simply using the analogue sticks to look around. This admittedly still confines you into looking mostly forward but it does help significantly and puts humanity in the funny position of teenagers who have grown up playing a large amount of videogames that also happen to be able to handle their shit on extremely high dose psychedelics having a genuine advantage over everybody else when it comes to navigating the DMT flash.
In conclusion I’d say hallucinations are not 100% predetermined but are still definitely fixed to a plot as your thought processes are still completely able to wander and interaction with entities is still possible as holding conversations about topics of your choice does not seem to be restricted but interaction with the plot of these hallucinations through physical means such as sprinting in the opposite direction of an entity when it is trying to teach you its message is not going to happen anytime soon. DMT is more like an interactive film than anything else and all of this to me is evidence that the plot of the trip really is being generated during the waiting room period at the start of the trip instead of during the trip as it happens as this is exactly what it feels like to me at least but I can’t exactly prove any of my own findings to anybody other than myself and friends as all of this is based purely on personal experience making it something that you will have to confirm for yourself if you want proof but in my opinion this is not a problem as if we continue to depend on and wait for the so called “experts” to handle these questions and provide us with answers it is going to be decades before we make any kind of real progress, so screw it. We don’t need them.
But it’s still a shame, without exaggeration these substances have to be one of the single most important things the human race has ever discovered and in a sane world should have been studied rigorously inside and out as soon as they were brought to the attention of modern science. Things are looking good as scientific interest in the study of hallucinogens is gradually increasing over the years but we are still at a point where not nearly enough has been done and this is not something that humanity should have pretty much ignored leaving it to some kid on drugs and his group of retarded stoner friends to try and figure it all out themselves nearly a full century later.
If a person or a group of people with more money, resources and intelligence than me got working on this I think things would finally begin to speed up but for now we are just going to have to do it without them.